Dreams of A Beating Heart

Dedicated To: Clyde Harris

If ever a dream, could describe the feeling of love
I hold for you inside my beating heart

The day would not be fast enough, to cascade into the dark
So I could fall asleep quickly, to let my thoughts of you begin

The visions of the love we shared, so many years ago
Reflect upon our inner selves, as we try to relive our loss

My eyes did meet a glancing dart, between our broken souls
The sparks still flame, even though years have passed
Since you were my blushing bride

Now the only thoughts we share, are the one we made together
For she is truly a gift from God, where did we go so wrong

I know that we're not the same, our lives has lead to separate trails
Along the road of life, it's as if another, has placed on a different path

But as we meet on this wedding day, for the one we created from love
I hope and pray she'll be able to keep, what we lost along the way

And as the Pastor repeats the words I remember, from another place and time
To love, honor, and cherish each other, forever and a day

How I wish we could have kept our vows, what a difference this hour would make
As I watch my baby walks out the isle, towards the path she'll take

I think back to what should have been, as the tears flow down your cheeks
And wishing time would turn around, so I could love you all over again

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
October 28, 2006

Moon Beams of Love

Dedicated To: Angie M. Ruiz

If all my thoughts of you could be seen, like the moon beams that shine at night
If all the love I have for you, could be put to song

And sung by Angels, in their heavenly home, as they fly between the clouds
If all that I've ever felt for you, could be expressed in just one dream

What endless shadows of love would exist, between the rainbows of our souls
I could not imagine how life would be, without you by my side

The kiss you place upon my lips, before we fall asleep
And the gentile caress I feel upon my cheeks, when you wake me in the morn

As we share the remaining golden years, the Lord will grant to us
I pray that all we've done together, brings honor to our marriage

And God, will let us share our love, until the final hour

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
October 18, 2006

Evil Wind

Dedicated To: Manuel Perez

I had a dream the other night, as I tossed and turned, in the early morning hours
About an evil wind that's blowing, across our troubled land

I feel the presence in the air, as it surrounds my wretched soul
A dreaded fear is embedded deeply, in the fiber of my bones

For there is danger in the horizon, it's headed for our eastern shore, in hast it makes its way
Many say it's here already, and I would tend to agree, so I say a silent prayer, for the worst is yet to be

The war has brought a feeling of despair, to a nation so brave and proud
Maybe it's time to shed this honor; we've held since our founding days

This is a different kind of war, unlike the ones we've fought before
We have an enemy who has no fear of taking life, even when it's their own

Our troops each day die one by one, in this God forsaken place
Where death lurks around every corner, in cities so far away

Waiting to steal our sons and daughters, as they march along the streets
Is their no way out with honor, I wonder how this can be

For the President of these United States, must face the reality
To find a way to return our troops, for we aspire to live in peace

I pray that somehow this will be, and God will grant our sovereign nation
A way to end the pain we've endured, since September of 2001

May we pray as one, to end this war, and bring our soldiers home
For they deserve to live out their dreams, for all that they have done

I ask you Lord to grant this prayer, and bring peace to our turbulent soil
This struggle has brought much anguish to us, and we wish you'll end it soon

And send the evil wind that's blowing, back where it belongs

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
October 15, 2006

Window of Time

Dedicated To: Juan M. I. Valadez

Have you ever wanted to look thru the window of time?
To see what you've left behind

As I lie in this hospice bed, thinking of all my yesterdays
I remember back when I was young, free of the pain, that now becomes a part of me

My carefee days, were filled with zeal, death was not even an afterthought
So eager was I to follow the course, which was so plan for me to see

As I sailed thru life's embrace, not ever thinking the day would come
When my youthful ways would slip away, as I aged with grace, towards my final destiny

Then one day in the prime of life, a pain shot thru my being
The hurt that I endured that day, convinced me of my mortality

In the delirium of the aches, which came deep within my bones?
I knew right then this was real, as the EMS blared down the crowed street

In my 47 years, I have never known the comforts of a hospital bed
Soon I learned how to adjust to the sickness that invaded me, but the worst was yet to come

In between the shots of dope they poured into my veins
I fell as if, I'm in a cloud, as the pain begins to fade

After three days of testing, the Doctors paid a visit
To let me know the score

I remember the overcast of the sky, as I looked out the windowpane
The three of them peered down at me, with the results the tests had shown

"A militant tumor has spread within your bones, you have just weeks to live"
"Their's nothing we can do, but ease the pain", so the Doctors said

I was in total shock as I heard the words that would soon seal my fate
As I watched them leave the room, it began to dawn on me that death was at the door

Now I lie in this hospice bed with only thoughts of my yesteryears to set my mind at ease
I've been a loner all my life, not even siblings have I

My parents died some years ago, and I never found the love a wife, to share sweet dreams with me
So their's nothing to leave behind, not even a friend to say goodbye

But thru all of this, as I lay dying in this bed, I have one final thought
A Pastor paid a visit, just this very day

He told me of the Father in Heaven, who loves me nonetheless, to open heart and soul, to his eternal Son
Just asked for his forgiveness, for he gives it free to all

So I poured out my sins, and prayed with him, as he knelt beside my pillow
Together we asked for God's mercy, thru his holy Son

I felt a tingling touch my heart, as he rose from the side of my bed
I remember his words, as he gave me a hug

For death is just the beginning, a trip we all must make
To reach the home we longed to be, for the rest of eternity

Written by Roland R. Ruiz
October 07, 2006

The Midnight Sky

Have you ever been under the midnight sky, riding along with the salty spray across the barren sea?
With only the stars and moonlight shinning bright to whisper to your thoughts

As I set upon this rickety porch, and look toward the open waters, that once was a part of me
The dreams of when I was young and free, keeps flooding back and haunts me, in the middle of the night when I'm alone, without a soul to keep me company

The memories of the wild ocean lay deep within my mind
I remember slicing around Cape Horn, in the early morning hours

With a copper sky, behind the mast, which highlights the beauty of the day?
While the ice cold waves, that broached the ship, brings contentment to my soul

The sounds of the sea, remains in me, for all these many years
Which adds to the joy, to this weathered sailor, who longs to be aboard a ship, within the swells of an endless wake?

How I wish I could go back and sail around the Horn, in the ship that was my life
until time caught up and I got old, for only the sea is ageless

The sky, and fog, the savage tides at night, brings comfort to my misty eyes, as I look towards the ocean, from the porch of my land locked ship

That now becomes my home, until the middle of the night, when my dreams begin to flow, and I'm back at sea, where I long to be

In wait of God, calling me to the harbor of his love, where I'll dock my ship upon his pier and sail no more forever

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
September 17, 2006

Dreams of Life

Dedicated To: A Californian Friend

The dreams of life was once forgotten
When once in darkness I reposed

But now as I awake, from my slumber
In the brightness of the morn

I feel the dreams I thought forgotten
Not those that really matter

But in my search for something different
To soothe the trembles in my heart

I hap to find the love of you
From which I vow to n'eer depart

But if that love I look to find
Has left my heart unbridled

The darkness that once filled my soul
Will never in my heart repose

Now the brightness of the light
Fills my heart with love

I will humbly thank the Creator
Who lives in the realm above

But only when my time is done
And he's ready to call me home

Only then will I relent my love of you
For my heavenly home above

Copyright C.P. Dhuet & Roland R. Ruiz

Waters of Life

Artwork courtesy of www.eaglezen.com

What if I could relive my life, and start all over again
Would I change my ways, I sometimes wonder as I asked myself

If all that I've ever done, could be placed in front of me
What choice would my soul select, for the rest of eternity?

Should I take the same road, in my trek thru troubled times?
Or would I change direction, and go where no harm can reach my heart

To play it safe, as one would say, and stay on the high side of life
Without the pain, to release the tears which resides so deep in me?

How often one must face this choice, in the daily chores of strife
For those who make this passage in time, on the road which leads to death

Have a decision that must be made, as we thread upon the waters of life
For in the end, a final choice awaits for each of us

To live in internal bliss, with the one who created all we've seen
Or stay forever without the love, he gives freely to one and all

It is for us to decide, for myself I have no fear, in the choice which I shall make
I'll ask his Son who died for me, to forgive my mortal sins

And hope and pray, my sins are cleansed, in the blood he shed for me
So I'll follow him to his Father's palace, and Heaven will be my home

Where I'll sing with all the Angels, and multitudes, which fill his house with love
There I'll bask in the glow of his everlasting grace, in the room he prepared for me

For all eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
September 14, 2006

Golden Sands

Dedicated To: Evangeline, My Beloved

As I thread upon the golden sands
Which leads to thoughts of you?

I think of the years, shared together
In the sunshine of my dreams

They come at night to soothe my soul
This fills my heart with love

As I turn onto my pillow, from the softness of our bed
I see the total beauty, which lies within my grasp

I think of all we've accomplished, since we became just one
And wishing we could go back, to relive our youth again

For in the silken sands we've trodden, in our march thru time
Has brought to us a life of richness

Filled with love and laughter, along with many tears we've shed
To wash our pain away

I think of love ones, and friends, who shared our wedding day
How many have passed, to their just reward
Leaving only memories, to keep within our hearts

Our life has been a blessing, for all these many years
All that I have ever been, is due because of you

As I gaze upon the women who's made my life complete
I'll pray for God, to bless, the years he'll grant to us
And thank him for what he's given, in our trek thru life's embrace

One final thought I'll leave behind, as I drift back to my dreams
Grow old along with me; my beloved for the best is yet to be

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
September 07, 2006

Voyage of Loneliness

Dedicated To: Oralia Culler

Author's Note
The Ultimate Solo Challenge will soon begin, this around the world yacht race is called VELUX 5 OCEANS, is one of the most established, continuously run, single-handed round the world yacht race. It has taken place every four years since 1982. The race is the longest and toughest event, for any individual in any sport, October 22, of 2006, the race will begin, and the skippers will sail over 30,000 miles of ocean alone, facing all the extremes that nature can throw at them, this poem is dedicated in to these few brave men who dare to challenge nature, and all its elements.....

I've seen the majestic stars twinkling brightly, beneath the shadows of a moonless night
Watched the sparkles of the Northern Lights, in the coldness of a Norwegian fjord

I've crossed the oceans, so many times without the feel of solid ground, to support my aging feet
And seen so many different sites in my travels around this world

For I've sailed upon the seven seas, watching swells of cresting waves, swirling within the undulations, of a unforgiving mass
But what I remember most, which remains deep within my thoughts

Is the loneliness felt, in the vastness of the ocean, which lies beneath my keel
Its been six weeks since I left Bilbao, Spain, on an early October morn on route to Fremantle, Australia, by early December, on the first leg of the race

With a lay over to rest my weary bones, I'll pursue a trek towards America
On the banks of the Chesapeake Bay, hoping to make Norfolk, by mid March in the early part of next year

Then cross the wild Atlantic, back to Bilbao, to claim the prize I hope to win by the middle of April, I pray
That is if I'm able to keep my sanity, in this God forsaken abyss

Which is to be my home for the next six months, how lonely will I be
As I ponder aboard my solo yacht, which protects me from the mysteries which lie below the water line, within this endless wake

I think of God so high above, and say a prayer to him, please dear Lord, give me strength to cope with the feelings I have inside my heart
Alone at sea without a friend to convey the many thoughts, which resides so deep in me

If you could keep me in a frame of mind, which will hold me in one piece
And let me finish, what I've started, to reach the end I seek

Then I'll know I've given my best, win or lose, I've been faithful to the quest
And passed the test, and the prize called life, I've won

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
September 04, 2006

Cabin Boy

Dedicated To: Xavier Christopher Magallanes

Whenever I go back to the sea, it is with a tear in my eye
For I recollect the lad that I was, and the memories flood back to me

I was just short of fifteen, when I boarded a ship
From a pier, on the Bay of St. John's

Due to a friend, who snuck me aboard, a cabin boy I became
So off I sailed to see the world, for I knew I could learn the ways of the sea

If given half of a chance, so I did what was told, and kept to myself
And watched and learned what needed to be done, to keep this vessel afloat

For the years brought me the craft of the trade, and a sailor I soon came to be
I was taught the skills, by the best of the crew, how my hands did burn with the rope

But soon I was able to keep up with the best, and a cabin boy I was no more
For I was a whaler, my home town New Bedford, and I never regretted my move

That was nearly 40 years ago, now I'm landlocked, without a ship to steer my heart, towards the ocean's blue

How hollow my life has become, since the sea which I love, is no longer a part of me
As I look from the shore, towards the horizon, within the misty fog
A ship of fate waits for me, to take me to my new home

Now as my life nears an end, I think of my yesteryears
I pray that my dreams, of the oceans I've sailed

Will be waiting for me, when I dock at the home port of God

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
September 1, 2006

Our First Kiss

Dedicated To: Evangeline

As I lay in deep repose, I search my soul, from within my dreams
For the very first time your lips touched mine, in the spring time of our youth

When we were young and just beginning, to share our lives as one
I remember our love as it began to bloom, to flourish as it would

Such thoughts I've kept just for you, in the autumn of my years
The memories of our times together, brings pleasure to my heart

For the shyness was their that very first time, as I reached to touch your face
But I couldn't resist, caressing your lips, so I stole a kiss from you

A lot has happened since that encounter, even after all these years
My love for you has never wavered; it's as stong now, as it was back then
When I stole a kiss from you

But this I'll tell you, my fair sweet love, I've cherished each moment we've lived together
And I look forward to what lies beyond, for I'll know you'll be a part of me, as I will be to you

Even onto the end of time, our love will never die

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 29, 2006

Shudder

Dedicated To: Evangeline M. Ruiz

I shudder to think how life would be, if I had not the love you gave to me, so many years ago
How different my life would be right now, if our paths had never crossed

For ever since I've come to know, the flower of my dreams
I think of you as the morning dew, so crystal clear in the love you've given, and to think it all for me

Every waking moment in the years we've been together
Has seen my yearning grow by leaps and bounds, and the joy never seems to end

You Evangeline, has shared with me, a very special gift, which comes from God, so high above, he meant for us to be
Together we have forged a devotion, which shall last the test of time

As we trek within our hour glass, be assured of what I say
I hold you in my heart and soul, in all you've been to me

Now love, the time has come to tell you of my deep and inner thoughts
For you've made my very existence, so blissful
In the years, we've shared as one

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 26, 2006

Shadow of My Dreams

Dedicated To: Tony Taylor

Have you ever seen moving echoes, which flash within your dreams?
They come in the twilight of the night, while you lay asleep, with imagines of days gone by

I have many visions within my mind, some good, and some bad
Even dreaded nightmares, to scare a chill in me

But the ones that I remember most, are those who have gone their way
So many love ones, I've come to know, as I trek towards
the finality of life, as slow as one can go

Mom and Dad, Grandfather, and Grandmother top the list, with many more beneath
Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and friends, I've been privileged to know
In my travels towards the end

They come at night, not all the time, but when they do, tears cascade, down my cheeks, as I lay in deep repose

It makes one wonder of growing old, and how you'll meet your fate
For when my time arrives, and my dreams cease to be

Then I'll become an echo, flashing brightly
As I join my righteous friends, in the shadow of my dreams

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 24, 2006

Divine Power

Dedicated To: Joseph Borrego

Have you ever been on a highway, leading to a place filled with promise and hope?
Where you feel, within yourself, you've been down this road before
My thoughts have often crossed like this, in the open doors of life

There is a medium of the divine power, which resides in all of us
As we travel along the path of time, towards our destiny

The faint glimmer of despair, lies bare all our travesties
In our march forward, seeking to find the goodness that lies within our souls

For me I'll know, what my fortune will bring, as I trek towards the end
I pray that I shall greet my fate, with grace and dignity
The medium of the divine power, is God, for no other can take his place

So I'll walk towards his only Son, the one who died to set us free
Thru his divinity, I'll repent my sins, which have followed along with me

And the road I've traveled, will lead not to an end
But a new beginning, which shall last for the rest of eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 20, 2006

Solitude of Loneliness

Dedicated To: Jonathan Ruben Gonzalez

As I walk beside this solitude of loneliness

Which seems to reside in me

I feel the pull of fate, tugging against the emptiness of despair

That lies deep, within my soul

I wonder where it shall lead, in my trek thru troubled times

When I reach the end, will life go on, or will it be like an afterthought

And fade into the wind

Without reason or answers, and running on empty thoughts, is that what waits for me?

I feel a part is missing, within my tortured being

Could this be just a wishful vision, I keep inside myself

I search for something different to soothe my aching heart

For love was never given, in my travel thru life's embrace

I never knew my Father, and my Mother orphaned me

Into this world, I grew alone

Without a parent's love, to guide or cherish me, towards my earthly strife

Now I search for love, to fill the void of nothingness, which has merged inside my core

Is it too late, can I survive, or will the end be just a dream?

I ask dear God to give me solace, and receive my heart into his grace

For then I'll know just how to love, like I've never known before

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

August 18, 2006

A Sinner's Dream

Dedicated To: Simon Ruben Borrego

As I ponder thru the slumber of the dreams which I recall
I hear my fate approaching softly, in the caverns of the sky

It speaks of sins committed, in my trek thru troubled times
And whispers repentance is needed, to reach eternal life

The choices are free and mine to make, the keys to salvation lies in front of me
So simple and easy, I would think, why do I hesitate?
Will God forgive all my transgressions, I've made along the way?

His Son, gave up his life for me, I need to remember this
I'll ask him for forgiveness, from a heart that's filled with sin
And after my confession, he'll open the gates for me

With passion, radiating from the glory of his eyes
And tears cascading down my cheeks, for the yoke of sin been lifted, by the one who died for me

We'll walk into his kingdom, for he washed my soul and healed my pain and made me like the driven snow
For all that I had been before, will be a passing thought

As I enter into his golden orb, to a room reserved for me
I'll find his love will last forever, in the house his Father built

Here abounds such lasting peace, I've looked for all my life
In this palace, which will be my home, for all eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 11, 2006

A Daddy, Remembered

Dedicated To: Simon Ruiz (1-1-22) (4-4-98)

The other day, as I had nothing to do, I looked out from my window pane
Wishing for raindrops to begin their fall, from the cumulus clouds stretching across the wide open sky, in the middle of the day

I began to think of growing old, and all the faded years, that seemed to have passed me by
I started to think of how it will be, when my time reaches its end
And wondering how close death is, from knocking on my back door

I began to think of my life, and all the memories I've made in my travels toward the fate, that lies ahead of me
The good, the bad, the in between, but most of all the past
Memory of my Daddy came gushing forth, from the hallows of my mind
The last twelve months before he died, became vividly clear, in the shadows of my thoughts

How I recall the anguish felt, in the illness that took his life
The hapless feeling I held inside, on the visits I made each week
For their was nothing I could do to ease the hurt and take the pain away
From this man I loved since birth, only this epitaph is left, of what he means to me

I recall the time I drove him to see his sister, my Aunt, who was his favorite
I think back to when we're young, and the many trips we all would take
How much we laughed, in those bygone days, how I wish I could go back in time, and see him smile again

Another thought, came into view as I rode upon a remembrance, from another time and place, so many years ago
My Daddy, loved to fish, he took me on my first fishing trip
How could I ever forget, the cane poles he brought home that day, for I was all of seven, in the year of '55

On that special fishing trip we took that very day, we traveled down a back road, along the river's edge
When we got to the place along the bank; he said "we'll start here today"
He started showing me how to fish; I'll never forget the view of the river, thru the vestige of the setting sun, in the coolness of the day

When he caught a fish, a catfish he said, how proud was I to have a Daddy, to share this moment with me
Even now, after all these years, I see the smile upon his face, how I miss him so
If only I could turn back the clock, and relive those memories again

Now as I approach the end of my life, I think back to the day my Daddy died
Of how he faced his demise, he showed such dignity filled with grace, as he prepared to be with the Lord

I still remember the look on his face, as he took his last breath in this world
I whispered softly as he started to go, Daddy follow the light to the other side
God will be waiting for you, so have no fear, enjoy your stay

You'll be seeing us all one day, for you did what a Daddy is supposed to do
You took good care of Mom, and the rest of us too, and helped us to become who we are
The love you instilled, in each of our lives, will forever remain in our hearts

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
August 07, 2006

Touching Hearts

Dedicated To: Matthew Ray Gonzalez

You touch my heart, with your caring eyes, each time you look my way
In all my dreams, as time goes by
The joys and thoughts shared together, becomes stronger each second of the day

The rainbow that carries our hopes and prayers, across this wide divide
Refreshes the beauty of the arch, which stretches between our hearts

The ebb and flow of friendship developed, in our march thru life
Reminds me of the gift received, by God from high above

To one who shares this special treasure, I send my best to you
May you live a lifetime, filled with love

And the many words you'll share with us, in your earthly stay
Will dwell within our rapture hearts, to fill our lives with dreams

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
July 16, 2006

Rainbow Hearts

Dedicated To: Ursula, my poetry sister...

Somewhere over the rainbow, our hearts have come to meet
And each beat of the heart, reminds me of the rainbows
God sends down, for us to see

May the sign of love he created, especially for his flock
Remain within our rapture hearts, bringing joy to one and all

For his presents, is just a preview of all the gifts to come
And we must honor, what is given for he gives it to one and all
So my poetry sister, until we meet again, at the time which marks the end

Where the rainbow of his love will lead, to the Palace HE calls his home
Their we'll meet to share our thoughts, and the words to poems we'll create
Will last forever in HIS Eternity

This is my personal Rainbow Blessing, to you my poetry sister
Thank you for your caring thoughts
May God Bless, each one of you, for what you mean to me

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
July 4, 2006

Forgiving Heart

The whispers from your soul, which lay within my broken dreams
Reveals a secret which we hold inside, of another place and time

When we were young, carefree, and ever so shameless
In the love which we embraced, in the shadow of our minds
I think of what we instilled, and the hurt made along the way

What a web of deceit laid bare, by our lusty thoughts
But that was not to be, for the unrelenting love we shared was never meant to flourish
Nor the forbidden memories weaved together, between our wretches souls

It was just to hard to bear, for the harm I caused to the one I love
To the one who is my wife, will always remain inside of me
The tortured look within her thoughts, it's so clear for all to see

Even when she forgave me, her eyes reveal the hurt inside, for all that I've done
So now the love we once had, has been transferred to her
To my wife, who gave to me second chance, to turn my life around

So now I bid farewell to you, may God forgive our sins
For the love infused together, remains a shattered dream
That lies deep, in a forgiven heart, my love did grant to me

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
July 1, 2006

The Wait for Eternity

Dedicated To: Armandina Magallanes

Thoughts of you, dwell in my dreams as I sleep upon this empty bed
And ponder of our times together
Of the many years of passion, shared as one in this very room

The pain of love which lie deep inside, is all that's left of you
Its been a year since you've departed, and the hurt remains the same
In my crying heart, I think of you each and every day

How I wish I could go back in time, and be with you again
The loneliness in my soul, is just too much to bear
So I sit in the darkness of this house, which for us was our castle

Until your life was taken, by the God we love so much
Now only the memories of you are left, to keep me occupied
Which helps to fill the void of emptiness, which resides within my being

I remember speaking gently, as I held your shaken hands
As we walked beside the white tipped waves, along the water's edge
The words I used to calm your fears, I recall ever so clear

I told you what you meant to us, how much we'll miss your love
Your son and daughter, who'll cherish you, will always remember their Mom
But most of all, your partner whos shared so many hopes and dreams
Will keep you in his thoughts, every second of the day

But since you've left, I pine each night, I want to be with you
I remember saying, you'll see me soon, so weep no tears for me
But God decided to let me live, oh how I yearn for death

If you could just whisper softly, he may just grant the wishes, I pray for every night
To place my soul and heart with you, and put me by your side
So we can be a set together, in this new eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
June 25, 2006

The Shyness of Love

Dedicated To: Ernestina Ruiz

How I wish I could paint thoughts of love
I keep for you, inside your beating heart

What fantasies we would share together
On this magical path we'll travel, towards eternity

But I can only think of this, for I'm too shy to ask
If only I had the nerve, to risk it all for you

I know our moments spent together, would last the test of time
What music our love would make, as we glide across the clouds

The songs of joy, would fill our souls, and never would we part
But I'm ashamed, to even try, and take a chance with you

The beauty which your face in shines, is just too much for me
So I'll view, and ponder of the dreams, that could have been

As I watch another steal your heart, who's not to shy to ask

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
June 22, 2006

Boulevard of Lost Souls

Dedicated To: Lost souls, wondering towards Eternity....

On this boulevard of life, where many souls have lost their way

We all must travel along a path, which leads to a place called death

The venture begins with our birth, and only God knows when it will end

Avenues of despair are placed, with detours leading to streets filled with sin

If we're strong enough to avoid these traps, and stay the steady course

Goodness will surely follow, to all those who truly believe

For life will reside in them, and death will be a hollow thought

Along with the many evils, made in our trek towards our Father's home

For God so loved the world, he gave his only son to bear our every transgression

So we can be forgiven, for all which we have done

His flock with free will given, must make a final choice, to live forever

In the valley of death or march in glory, into the Den of Life

Where the Son reigns in his Father's House, and our journey has reached its end

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

Angels, Rainbows, & Painted Stars

Dedicated To: Madelline Rose Magallanes

Angels, Rainbows, and Painted Stars are God's special gifts, to his flock

The beauty which they display, is indeed a sight to behold

Angels come to guide us, for those who truly believe

And Rainbows are a sign from God, of the divinity of his grace

For in between these presents, he gives free to one and all

Lie the stars, which God has painted upon the canvas of his sky

But even more amazing, than all which we have seen

Is the knowledge of what he has given, is just a preview of what's to come

So if we decide these visions, is worth a trip with him

Then think what waits for us in heaven, in the palace we'll call our home

Written By: Roland R. Ruiz

Unrelenting Love

Dedicated To: Hope Gonzalez

I am the whisper in your heart, as I reflect upon the love we lost

So many years ago

From another place and age, memories of the love we shared

Lie deep within my thoughts

As I came upon you suddenly, in this room filled with strangers

Visions began to fill my mind

Of the days when we were young, oh how we laughed and shared such fun

If only we could go back in time, and begin all over again

To relive the joys of youth, how much our lives would differ

If we could just correct the mistakes, made along the avenue of sin

But this is all for naught, for whatever feelings we once shared

Has left barren our heart and mind

With only the emptiness of unrelenting love, and the dreams which have faded away

To be replaced, with what could have been, within the passion of our souls

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

Storm Chasers

Dedicated To: Victoria N. Magallanes

Hidden in the anvil of a late April storm
Beats the whistles of a whirlwind, Mother Nature has just born

It spins its deadly fingers, while growing stronger in its wake
Turning downwards toward the prairie, in search of victims to make a name

We drive our tattered wagon, along this dusty road
Seeking answers to the secrets which the Twister holds inside

The knowledge which we gather, in our chase of spring time storms
Will lead one day to learning, how to tame their wicked turns

As we watch this swirling mass, venting anger with each embrace
This evil wrath of blackness, sets its funnel upon the land

The darkness in the sky, seems to be drawing ever closer
Leaving little time to check our instruments, which gives us insight
To many questions left unanswered, by the coming of the storms

Amazingly the devil wind begins to plow, into the dryness of the ground
Turning trees into splinters, as it cuts a slithered path, along the edges of the field

With just three quarter mile between us, we gaze towards the vortex
Whom very few have ever seen, or will ever see again

For we're Tornado Hunters, a job which breathes pure fear
In this magnificence of nature, rarely seen by mortal man

Leaves me totally in awe, of the many splendid wonders
Mother Nature keeps within

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

The Maze

Dedicated To: Ursula Steinhauser

In this turnaround called life to many known as fate
Lies two hands directing traffic, thru a maze called sin
As we shift and turn in our trek to another world
Goodness and evil stand side by side watching all who pass

With no movement by either side, they wait till we decide
To whom we'll turn and face, a choice we'll need to make
Towards the light towards the dark, there is no other choice
As I go forwards pondering, as to which direction to take

A decision I'll need to make before the judgment day
What hands shall I reach out, which choice should I make
My soul with free will given by the powers of the light
To render what I think is just within these ruthless walls

I'll ask the hands of righteousness to seal this heart with love
To bring me to the brilliance which lies within his globe
For in the powers of his love will guide me to the end
Opening the door to paradise, for the rest of eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
May' 2006

My Everlasting Love

Dedicated To: Evangeline, my Valentine

Have you ever tried to put a meaning to everlasting love?
You could almost say it's like a rainbow, bending across the sky

The ebbs and flows, the ups and downs which carries us at times
Reminds me of the many memories we hold so deep inside

And like the multiple of colors, which sparkles after a morning rain
Love is ever smiling, radiating a special glow, which shines upon your face

I truly believe, I've found the answer to the question, I've stated above
And you're the meaning, I've searched to find, no need to seek any further

For you and I bound together, will share sweet dreams, as only lovers can
And we'll watch our rainbows brighten each day, as no other has done before

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
May 10, 2006

D-Day, A Soldier Remembers

Dedicated To: All those who fought and died on Normandy Beach, so many years ago.....

As I walk into this field of valor, in the early morning hours
I think of the many fine and brave soldiers, who lie beneath the ground
With multitudes of painted crosses, to mark their sacred graves
Thoughts slowly fill my mind, June 6, 1944, I remember only so well
The scare and terror of that day remains etched within my heart
I try to forget the screams of death, that passed before my eyes
But the scenes remain so vivid and clear, even after all these years
D-Day resides so deep in me, their's nothing I can do
To rid me of the dreams, which haunts me, in the twilight of my years
The sand, the water, the blood, mixed with the sounds of death
Caused me to pray to God, to forgive my mortal sins

I remember following my sarge, into the water, on that early misty morn
Just as we reached Utah Beach a bullet struck his helmet, spinning him around
Showing me a bloody stump, that used to be his head
To this young innocent country boy, who just turned 19 two days before
Within seconds, leaving me no other choice, I suddenly became a man

As I raced past his lifeless shell, knowing at any moment
My life could end as well, somehow I survived thru this violent hell
And went on to fight in other battles, until the bitter end
Every so often I make this trip, to see my fallen comrades
And each time as I return, I leave a piece of me, between the blood soaked sands

As I approach my eighty first year, I know this will be my last trip
To see my fallen friends, so I'll walk slowly thru this hollowed field
And say a final goodbye to all these gallant soldiers
Who gave their lives for God and country, as only heroes can

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

Rainbow Soldiers

Dedicated to: Army T/Sgt. Thomas M. Hankins, a brave soldier who lost his life in Vietnam, and Marilyn, the wife he left behind......

Have you ever gazed towards a rainbow?
After a morning rain

And wondered what lies within the colored sparkles
Between the sunlit clouds

Could it be the thoughts of souls, who left before their time?
With remnants of a lonely past, painted with dreams that will never be

A soldier's life that's lost in battle, can be described this way
The dreams unfilled, as life begins to fade

Resembles the colors of a rainbow
Bending across a fresh washed sky, beneath the risen sun

Often those who are left behind, forget what heroes do
The freedom they loose is ours to gain, so let's not forget their deeds

So whenever a rainbow appears in the sky
Look for the colors between the clouds

For they're a remainder of the gallant troops
Who gave up their hopes for us?

Let's always remember and never forget
The heroes who lost their dreams

And pray for our soldiers, who fight in a war
To live out their dreams in peace

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
April' 2006

Special Friends

Every so often, one meets friends on this electrical medium we call the Internet, and if we're very fortunate, the friendship will last, even when half a world separated the parties involved. I've been fortunate to meet someone who has taken a shine to both me and my loving wife, and I'm very thankful for the new friends, I've gotten know in this short period. I would like to thank Rose DesRochers and her fine staff at Todays-Woman, for allowing a group of writers to share their thoughts and dreams on this wonderful web site. and to you Ursula and your dear husband Hermann, my wife and I send our love, may the rainbow of friendship that exists between our home and yours, be just a heartbeat away.....

Dedicated To: Ursula and Hermann Steinhauser

It's always nice to meet someone, who shares your thoughts and joy

So often in life, people mingle say hello, and go their merry way

But every so often if you're lucky enough, special friends will come along

To bless your life with happiness, even when you've just met them, over the electric waves

It's like you've known them for many years, old friends who'll share their lives with you

From a land so beautiful and far away, where God rested on the seventh day

My wife and I fell so blessed to know these special friends

Who bring so much joy to us, in our modest home

We know they live so far away, we may never really meet

But God moves in mysterious ways, and one will never know

But this I tell you, my far away friends our lives will never be the same again

Since we met you over the Internet, your thoughts are just a heartbeat away

On this beautiful Easter morning, we send our love to you

From a place so far away, in the good old USA

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

A Good Son

Dedicated To: Maria Cecilia Ruiz (03/10/24)-(03/28/03)

Three years ago today dear Mother, you left to be with God

I lay upon your tombstone, red roses you like so much

I can't help but think of the day you died, in the home that was your life

As we walked into your bedroom on that early foggy morn

To wait for death, which will stop the pain and take your soul from us

I see the color in your eyes, as I approach your crumpled bed

No need to speak dear Mother, for you send volumes with just your look and stare

I think back to a week ago, when it was just the two of us

In this bedroom you slept in, for over 40 years

I remember those very words, you were able to convey

"You've been a good son, for all these years, so think of me when I go, for I will always love you son"

Tears began to well in me, soon the flow ran down my cheeks

I tried to hold them back, even in the pain you bore it was you who comfort me

Now the week has passed us by, the hospice nurse prepared us well

For this very day, the time has come to say goodbye, as we surround your bed

The daughters and sons you've loved so much, circle you with tears of sadness

To say goodbye to the one we love, to the one who gave us life

Sleep dear Mother, go in peace Dad is waiting on the other side

So take his hand, he'll guide you thru, into a peaceful place

Where pain is just an after thought, in the shadows of your mind

I remember that day, only so well the hurt has never left

I try to put it behind me, and forget the pain of death

To the one who carried me inside, and gave me all her love

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz

A Moment In Time

Dedicated To: Jacob Deleon

Have you ever wanted, a moment in time
To return again, and again

As I sit in my chair, with loneliness by my side
I think of the friends, who no longer exist

And I wonder, when my time will end
They say there's advantages to growing old

But as I approach my 95th year
The only advantage, I feel in my bones
Is my death, which is certain to be

The sting of death, has taken its toll
My wife, my kids, my brothers, and sisters

All gone and buried away, as I sit in my chair
Only thoughts, remain of the joy, I remember only so well

My body did leave me 10 years ago
But my mind is still sharp, and as quick as a whip

I cry each night, when my dreams recollect
Of the loves ones, who's gone their way

And I pray to my God, who's taken away
The ones that I loved so much

I feel I've suffered enough, in my life
But Lord, it's your thoughts that count

If you would grant me, the dreams which I pray
And place me in a chair, in your home

Let me rekindle, the joys of my youth
And I'll share all my thoughts with you

Unspoken

Dedicated To: Evangeline M. Ruiz (30th Anniversary Poem)

In the years, since we committed our love and said our holy I do
How many time have I heard you say, " you've forgotten my birthday,
our anniversary, and all the holidays, that means so much to me,
sometimes I wonder, if you've forgotten the love, you claim you have for me"

Well love, I'm here to settle the score, and tell you how I truly feel
About the love, that resides inside my heart, not lost nor misplaced
Just unspoken, now my love, the time has come to express my feelings
To rekindle the flames and desires of the memories, I hold only for you

I thought about how to tell you this, as we approach our 30th anniversary
So I decided to buy a card, and write my dreams, into words
And describe the love, I have for you, which radiates deep, from within my soul

It seems over the years, I've forgotten how it used to be
I remember when we were young, I loved just being together
So eager was I, to share our thoughts, made me quiver with sheer delight

I'm sorry I've hurt you, I know the love you have for me, has never changed
But as we approach our golden years, I want the memories of our youth
To bring us together, the way it used to be, to you my love, I say this

There's no one who can match, what you've done for me
The time has come to tell you this, and bring the dreams we've shared together
Back into our lives

Love always and forever, Roland...........

Daughter Of Your Thoughts

Dedicated To: Chrissy Marie Ruiz

Dear Lord up so high, I question as to why, death is in the air
When a child of your creation, pays a visit every year

Mother Nature is her name, has a will all her own
You pay no favorites Lord, for you give it to one and all

Soon the season will adorn, our beautiful Gulf Coast shore
Along the southern borders, in the good old USA

I recall, oh so well, the memories are still so fresh
Of the loss of life and home, we suffered just last year

The daughter of your thoughts, bore some children, recently
In a season, we'll remember, for all eterntiy

Evil in their sinister ways, much like the ones, who ran away
Katrina and Rita are the names, which will live forever

In the minds of those infected by the storms of last September
Dear Lord, to you so high above, I say a silent prayer

If you would ask your Daughter, to keep her anger down
Let's not repeat the season, that we suffered just months ago

And give us time to heal the pain, that remains with us today

The Next Eternity

Dedicated To: Ursula & Hermann, friends from so far away, but just a heartbeat from our thoughts....


As we walk along this lonely shore, in the twilight of our years
I hold your hand, as a gentle breeze, blows across the wind swept sands

The white tipped waves, which follow us, along the water's edge
Remind me of the dreams, we've shared, along the road of life

I hear the tiredness in your voice
See the trembles in your hands
Feel the worries in your thoughts
As we search our souls for memories
Of better times and sweeter dreams
Which seem to have passed us by

Our eyes have seen the wonders, of a thousand different things
We've shared delights together, that will last the test of time

Have seen the vestige values, of all that we've done
And shared so many tears and smiles, along our traveled life

But this I'll tell you love, with not one single regret
I'll never love another, as much as I love you

There's no one, to hold a candle, for what you've done for me
And now the end is growing short, we've known this for quite sometime

I prayed and hoped, the Doctor was wrong, in the months he gave to you
But now we know, how right he is, oh God, how I wish, this would pass

As I look into your saddened eyes, I feel the pain, you hold so tight
For fifty years we've shared a life of joy, it seems like only yesterday

When I held you in my arms, on our blissful wedding day
Now my darling, I say to you, with all the love in my heart

You're soon to leave, these earthly bounds, and I need you to remember this
You'll leave a son and daughter, who'll always cherish you

And most of all, you'll leave a partner, but for just a little while
So take heart, my love, you'll see me soon, let not your eyes weep for me

For we're a set, that belongs together, in the next eternity

Written by: Roland R. Ruiz
February' 2006

Tortured Eyes

Dedicated To: Sabrina Ruiz

In between my tortured eyes, deep within my troubled soul
I see a heart full of hurt, left there by the one I love

Who's gone to fight in a war, so far away from home
A soldier's wife I've learned to be, but the clouds of doubt my Mother knew
Has been passed on to me, for off to war my father went in 1973

He did not get to see my birth, for Vietnam bound was he
And now the fears my Mother knew, has come to haunt me so

For in a jungle he did fight, a congressional medal was won by him
But at what price, the life he gave
Meant much more, then the medal he won that day

So their I grew in a world, without a Father to comfort me
To see me grow, into the woman I turned out to be
Oh, how I miss what he gave up, to defend a land across the sea

Now the circle has come around, my beloved, whom I love so much
Has gone to war, across the sea, to fight an enemy who knows no fear of death

I pray each day, to God above, to bring him home to me
To keep him safe, from the perils of death, which follows his every step

And break this cycle, I know so well, so our child, will know a Dad
For my tortured eyes will weep no more, when my husband comes back to me

The Demon In The Bottle

Like the silence in a endless night
In the windmills of my mind
Lies fate, which acts as a stepping stone
Back to another place and time
In search of hope, to ease the pain
And heal my tormented soul

Six months have passed, since I tasted
The contents of the bottle in front of me
I keep it on the night stand
To remind me of my yesteryears
Of what was lost, and the hurt I've caused
Along the road of a shattered life
Which unfortunately belongs to me

I blame the demon in the bottle
That sits in front of me
I try to convince myself of this
But in reality, the blame belongs to me

I have a wife, who loves me so
Along with a son and daughter
They think the world of me
Why I threw all this away
I'll never really know

I know that now, just wish I knew
One year ago, this month
That's when I woke from a drunk
To find my wife and kids had left
With only the demon to comfort me
We toasted the night away

For six long months it went that way
I worked all day, came home at night
To drink my pain away
Then one morning a phone call came
From my wife, between the tears, she says to me

Little Danny is very sick, he's in a coma
The doctors say, he may not last the night
As I drove into the mist, to seek the son I love
I reached out with a prayer, to God above

I know I've been a sinner, have hurt the ones I love
If you would please help my son, and bring him back to us
In return, I'll make this promise, to never drink again

When I reached the hospital, early in the morn
My wife and daughter, where standing down the hall
When they saw me, our eyes began to weep
We hugged and kissed, between the tears
They let me know the score

Danny is in the operating room
Its been two hours, no news yet
But the operation is his only hope
So, the doctors say

Within the hour, the doctors came out
To let us know, our son pulled thru all right
It was touch and go, for awhile
but he's young and strong, has a will to live

So be at ease, the doctor said
He's in the recovery room
It wont be long, you'll see him soon
I shook their hands, to thank them
As they turned towards the door

In that moment of turmoil, caused my life to change
Since that day, the bottle, has been left unopened
The demon remains inside, on the night stand next to me

One thought, I need to remember, since I've turned my life around
I am an alcoholic, that I'll always be
With help from wife and family, and God, from high above

I'll be a husband and Father, for they deserve no less from me